We're Home!

I think i had the expectation that this was going to be like a little vacation with the perks of bringing home a beautiful little girl. But for me it was not like that. i love to travel and go new places but i experienced a little bit of culture shock when we were in tokyo and bangkok. The sights and sounds and smells were so incredibly new and different and no one looked like us or talked like us and it was for some reason wierd being the minority. i kept telling myself i wanted to enjoy all of the experience and take it all in but the stress and anxiety and excitement of the adoption made it hard for me to do that. Now that being said i do have some issues with anxiety and panic attacks which i upped my dosage after we arrived at the hotel :)) Trying to get our bodies accustomed to the time difference and the food and stuf was a little tough, not so much the sleeping as the food. daren and i both had some tummy trouble throughout the entire trip. im sure it was a combo of new foods, our bodies adjusting and nerves.

Meeting reese was really awesome. it was a great morning. she was ok with me holding her as long as the SW or mo was close by. Visiting the foster home was a blessing and very moving. We were able to see reese's personality come out while she interacted with the family. PRICELESS! i did have some motion sickness issues whenever we would ride in the van anywhere. (dramamine) Day 2 of shopping was a good day also. Daren got to hold her at the mall! I kept thinking i just want her, without having to go back to the foster home and without the SW's. i want her!

Well....tuesday was a new day and it was not at all what i had hoped. I was nowhere near ready for how difficult this was going to be over the next 42 hours. I was an emotional wreck. And i'm not one to be like that at all.Watching Reese go through the grieving process was excruciating. As a mom all i wanted to do was comfort her and ease her pain and console her. But she did not want me!! She would hit me and pinch me and resist. Even when she was dead tired and i would be holding her she would not put her head on me. I literally did not know what to do at times and would just put her down in the floor and look into her eyes and see so much pain and i would just cry knowing that i was the one causeing that pain. i felt at times like i didnt know if i could do this. And as embarrassed as i am to say it, there were times that i didnt know if i wanted her. Daren was trying to help me through all of this and he said something that shook me to the core. I remember saying in desperation, "i dont know what to do!" and he said, "what would you want someone to do if it were hudson or max?" and of course, i would want someone to go through whatever it took in order for my babies to feel safe and loved! So i went to bed that night feeling so overwhelmed and guilty and horrible. I spent quite a bit of time praying through the night and next morning asking for an unconditional love for this little girl who doesnt even begin to understand what is going on. So the second day was still very hard but i was able to keep the right attitude and do what i needed to for her.

Reese HATED let me repeat HATED being in the hotel room!! We were constantly out walking around with her which was exhausting. She would tense up and begin to whine as soon as we walked into the hotel lobby.Finally after 2 days she began to trust us bit by bit. We would catch glimpses of the silly little girl we saw the first day in her foster home. So by Thursday we began to get out and do some sight seeing and shopping and it was crazy how we watched her transform.

Now the travel home was also another story. Tourture is the word that comes to mind! Reese hated the flights about as much as she hated the hotel room! All i can say is thank you Lord for the sweet flight attendants on the american airlines flight from Tokyo to Dallas. they played with her, walked her so we could rest. I am pretty sure that at one point i didnt see or hear reese for about 2 hours. they were soooo helpful! We had a man yell at us on that flight! I know who yells at a couple that are obviously adopting a child from a foriegn country!!! unbelievable.

Well all that to say it was an experience that i will never forget. Reese has adjusted so well. She LOVES her big brothers and they have done amazing adjusting to her as well. Once we got home it was tough for the first week but once again everyday, bit by bit she would open up and explore and laugh and eat, man can she eat! It has gone way better than we ever hoped it would since we have been home.



God is faithful, he is trustworthy, he will never leave you, he is strength, he is power, he is wisdom, he is love, he is comfort, he is peace, he is truth, his ways are higher than ours, his plan is greater than ours, he is perfect, his timing is perfect and HE will finish whatever it is HE has started in you!