first time for our family

well, its official, the neely's have had their first broken bone. hudson fell off his bike this afternoon and landed wrong on his hand and broke his pinkie, and i have to admit i have not done well with it.

i am usually very calm during chaotic, traumatic boo-boo type situations. i have even said outloud before, "ya know i think its a mommy thing that we remain calm for our children's sake."

i am also the type of person that can NOT handle bones sticking out of legs and arms or any appendages pointing in an unnatural direction. i cover my eyes when its on the TV. i dont watch youtube videos of people who have broken bones while doing something stupid. i cringe and look away when the slow motion replay shows a football player having his ankle rolled or knee snapped in half.

so when hudson ran in the door yelling "i broke my finger!" my first instinct was to run to him and begin to care for him in a calm manner. but as the seconds ticked by and i saw his pinkie finger in a 90 degree right angle i LOST it! as i was running to comfort him i immedieately became dizzy, flush and nauseated. i turned from him and said to daren, "oh daddy its broke!" and i fell to my knees. daren, thankfully, began trying to calm hudson down and said its ok we will go to the hospital and get it fixed. i wanted so bad to get in the car and go with them but i also had 2 other children that did not need to be rushed to the ER. after making a few phone calls and finding a friend to watch max and reese i sped to the hospital.

i have to say that i have felt like i failed my oldest son today. i have felt guilty all day that i wasnt able to comfort him in his pain and agony, that as i was running toward him, i saw his finger and ran away from him.

after i arrived at the ER i walked in to daren and hudson talking about how freaked out i was and they were laughing about how "silly" mommy acted. i walked up to hudson and rested my forehead on top of his head and apologized to him for not taking care of him and told him that i loved him about a trillion times. then daren told me something that was like salve to my hurting heart. as he was driving hudson to the ER hudson told him that he had felt bad that he had upset me.

in what has been the most traumatic experience of his 7 years of life, his thoughts, emotions and affections turned to me. even though during the initial trauma i turned away from him.

huh, sounds like someone else i know, JESUS! during the most traumatic experience of his life which was his death on a cross. his thoughts, emotions and affections were on me and the rest of creation that at some point in our lives would turn away from him.

thank you jesus for your UNCONDITIONAL love, mercy, grace and forgivness.